How an awful lot for those who spend on a marriage gift? - The Guardian

'Weddings are manner out of handle at the present time, a long way too a great deal funds is spent and receptions go on all day and night.' picture: Todd Pearson/Getty photographs

A submit on Mumsnet has got everybody speakme. It comprises an unnamed wedding guest, who gave a couple £100 as a gift, best to be rebuked by way of the newlyweds for no longer being beneficiant enough.

however the details are patchy (and we're most effective hearing one aspect of the story), it has precipitated a fascinating debate: how much for those who spend on a marriage reward? We requested our readers and right here's what they spoke of (spoiler: it may well be under you'd think).

My limit for chums is £50 – it shouldn't be concerning the money

The applicable volume to give somebody at a marriage is anything you can reasonably come up with the money for. If the couple are authentic friends they will be mindful. in the event that they're now not, they doubtless best invited you for the present anyway. after we obtained married, me and my associate had a money jar that people may add to anonymously, to remove the power. I began feeling responsible when the cheques have been beyond £a hundred. We wanted our chums' company, not their money.

around £50 is my restrict for a wedding reward. When truly good pals of mine got married lately, i was struggling for cash, so I made them a present rather than giving cash. I additionally wrote them a bit poem. It can charge me next to nothing and the couple informed me it become so considerate that it made them cry. nobody ever outlined the charge.

nameless, 29, Worcestershire

I have spent as little as £sixteen on a cake set

I even have been to more than 30 weddings with my husband and we continually spend around £50 on a present. there are times when I actually have spent much less, usually after I've considered a extremely good latest this is perfect but comes with a smaller expense tag. In these situations I haven't felt obliged to give extra money since it's really no longer about that.

I have spent as much as £seventy five but as little as £sixteen (on a Laura Ashley cake slice set for my American cousin). It changed into below i might usually spend however I had spent plenty on flights to go back and forth to the wedding. i wished to get him some thing British that he might expectantly preserve perpetually. i used to be definitely glad with the present.

technology means couples are now more direct about what they need. They installation gift lists and honeymoon cash. There are blended feelings about that because some people find it impolite to be so particular, but I discover it valuable. above all if I'm no longer tuned in to the couple's style.

As a single adult my maximum spend is ready £120

I always go by the rule of thumb of gifting a sum near the cost I think the couple could be paying to have me/us there. If i'm in particular near the couple, i will supply extra to mirror that.

As a single grownup, I believe my optimum turned into about £one hundred twenty for a extremely shut chum, besides the charge of visiting overseas for the wedding. The funds was for an espresso maker that she informed me she desired. The gift was well received and my effort to go back and forth to her wedding very liked. We had a stupendous time.

The leading trade in wedding etiquette over the years is that, while in the past it become regarded extraordinarily distasteful to provide money, now this has develop into the norm. for my part, I nonetheless favor to provide anything tangible as a present.

probably the most I spent became £80 on an in depth friend

The amount you give depends upon how well you know the grownup, and the way first rate you've each been at holding contact. for instance, I went to a chum's wedding ultimate 12 months, and turned into invited to the day and night do. I proficient them £eighty, as I couldn't in reality have the funds for more after traveling down to London and having to pay for a lodge whereas staying there.

I've received two greater weddings this 12 months, and that i'll be gifting them distinct amounts. I don't in fact be aware of the bride and groom within the first marriage ceremony, however my associate does. i will be able to probably make contributions £10 to something my partner gives as a goodwill token.

For the 2nd wedding, I'll doubtless give £30 or £40, as i do know the bride however not the groom. i can't predict my associate to make contributions as he's by no means met either of them. We also have to pay for a lodge for the night, which has labored out somewhat costly.

probably the most I spent changed into the £80. I accept as true with we were thanked (somewhat generically, but then they ought to have had a good few financial presents in the basket) by means of a facebook message.

this present day americans get caught up in themselves. I've observed that they no longer thank people for birthday or Christmas gifts. the world is additionally much more materialistic. a chum as soon as instructed me that you simply had been presupposed to present americans an approximate price that equals what you suppose your meal charge. That appears like some distance too a great deal work for me to bear considering.

anonymous, 26, Manchester

There's no appropriate volume – it depends on a lot of things

I think it truly has to depend upon your relationship with the couple. for most weddings of pals we've spent around £50 on a small reward or honeymoon contribution. Some can also suppose here's stingy however these are all couples who live together and have explicitly brought up on their invites that they have been now not anticipating presents.

we now have a couple of weddings subsequent year the place we can be spending extra as they're shut members of the family. It's a personal choice and it in fact is dependent upon what your friends and family members are like. i might consider enormously awkward to get hold of an excessively generous present.

I suppose wedding-reward etiquette is unrecognisable now from what it become 30 or so years ago as a result of the huge enhance within the can charge and extravagance of weddings. Plus the undeniable fact that americans tend to reside together before they wed.

I'm getting married next yr and my fiancé and that i are having a really problematic time figuring out what to do concerning presents. We've lived together for a number of years and acquired our first residence last summer season so there basically isn't anything we want.

i suspect we will install a gift list however make it very clear to our visitors that they're under no obligation to purchase anything. The one thing we fully may be doing is thanking all of our guests for their attendance on the wedding, with a private thank-you note, whether or not they give a present or now not.

I supply around £30 to pals – weddings are no longer joyous events

I supply round £30-£50 for friends, and £50 for loved ones. Weddings are manner out of control nowadays; a long way too an awful lot money is spent and receptions go on all day and evening. Then americans become divorcing a few years later.

Weddings are not any longer joyous routine. They may still be about gathering people to aid you have fun your relationship, rather than doing every thing at such a big expense and worrying recompense within the variety of presents. a few canapés, a short glass of fizz and just a few speeches would be perfectly satisfactory.

Freddie, fifty six, Devon